Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
