When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need to sanitize my soul.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
