addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
