How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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