There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
