On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
