and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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