i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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