i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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