by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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