I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
