she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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