i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need water and some morals
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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