i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
