What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
