I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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