...so i touched it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
