I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
