My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
