When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize