I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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