I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize