you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
