Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
