Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
