Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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