So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
