i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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