i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize