i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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