i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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