there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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