I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize