what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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