Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
