So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
