Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize