I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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