I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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