I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
