oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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