I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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