The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
