Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
