Already got asked if we're dating
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
