I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
