i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
