yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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