I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
