Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
