i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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