He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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