flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
