There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
