ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
