I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
