i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
