Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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