I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
