Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
