Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize