He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
