if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
honey bunches of taint.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
