i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
