i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
