We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it glows. i had to have it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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