i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
